The Angry Young Man

Yesterday, Sister-Woman alerted me to the fact that this young man attempted to burn down "The Man" at this year's Burning Man hootenanny. He did quite the job - as of Tuesday, "The Man" was basically charcoal. I told Sister-Woman that this was even better than the time Brother-Boy drove down to the Seizure Village raisin ranch in Laguna Beach and proceeded to bash in the windshields of all the Lincoln Town Cars parked outside with his digeridoo (aka "The Digeridon't").

Anyway, the Harry Larvae people are eager to give "festival goers" their American dollars worth -

"We have the means and the will. The event continues on schedule, and the Man will burn on Saturday night," said Andie Grace, communications manager for Burning Man. Pffffft. Do they have the six million American dollars it'll take to replace his charred parts with shiny new bionics?

Apparently, reaction to the premature burning was mixed with several "Burners" experiencing PTSD at the sight of "The Man" set alight early.

"I like thought maybe I was on a bad trip, man, like maybe I had missed several days or something?" said festival goer, Nebula Cuadlebaum. "I was like going to ask for half my ticket price back? We was robbed?"

The lesbian camp immediately set about opening a psychological trauma center, to aid festival goers in their grieving process. Each trauma victim was given a dream catcher and a lollypop.

I myself am particularly incensed by this conflagration as the theme this year is, get this, "Green Man". Yes, boys and girls, an annual event where hipsters take a bunch of stuff out to the desert and set it on fire, was going to be focused on "humanity's relationship to nature." I understand that in an attempt to show how burning stuff results in the release of numerous pollutants, contributing to global climate change, they weren't even going to burn "The Man" this year, but dismantle him slowly, piece by piece, after they forced all the festival goers to pick up the tons of garbage that floats across "The Playa" at gunpoint.

This occurrence reminds me of an incident that occurred in my hometown, Ojai, way back in the early 70's, long before I was born. Apparently there was a wall around a downtown park where hippies liked to congregate. An acquaintance of my family used to have an attack every time he saw the hippies gathered there, which, if you think about it, is really the best reaction to have to any gathering of hippies. I mean, I know when I walk down Haight Street, I generally have an attack at the sight of hippies. Anyway, one night this fellow stepped out and blew up the wall, depriving the hippies of a place to sit while they weaved flowers into their hair or whatever nefarious hippie tasks they were attempting to complete at that location. The whole town knew who blew up the wall, but he was never busted for it. They all just shook their heads, kept it a secret, and now I'm here sharing it with you. Paul Addis won't get off so lightly. he was charged with felony arson, destruction of property, misdemeanor possession of fireworks, and resisting a public officer. What does that say?

Regardless, upon checking out his mugshot, Sister-Woman says she's never seen Mr. Addis looking happier.

I myself am off to Nevada for a few days to tend to my exiled mother who is apparently on her deathbed or similar. Further details will be relayed as they develop. I'd rather be going to Burning Man...