The Angry Young Man

I see my blog is blank. This meme, taken from Huntington, should fill the space until I feel like writing again. Rick does this every Saturday. Maybe I'll steal his idea.

1. Taken a picture completely naked?

Yes. I foolishly gave it to Jason. If he shows it to anyone he will die a thousand agonizing deaths. I also, upon buying a video camera for the first time, taped myself having a wank because I was curious as to what it looked like from the perspective of another. Suffice to say, it wadn’t pretty…

2. Made out with a friend on your MySpace/Facebook page?

Yes.

3. Danced in front of your mirror naked?

No, actually. Never.

4. Told a lie?

Duh.

5. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?

Duh. Are these questions for human beings?

6. Been arrested?

Yes. New Year’s day 2003, in front of my apartment in Portland after chasing off some assholes who were launching bottle rockets at my building and then drunkenly mouthing off to the cops who came to investigate. I wasn’t booked, but I was cuffed and thrown into the back of their stupid squad car.

7. Made out with someone of the same sex?

No! Gross!

8. Seen someone die?

Not yet.

9. Slept in until 5pm?

A few times over the course of my life, yes.

10. Had sex at work?

Yes, when I was in undergrad. A couple times. I won’t bore you with the details.

11. Fallen asleep at work/school?

Yep.

12. Held a snake?

Yep.

13. Ran a red light?

Yep.

14. Been suspended from school?

Yes, in the 7th grade, during my proto-punk days. I was caught repeatedly ditching school. They decided it was because my big, giant brain wasn’t being challenged enough by my teachers and stuck me back in gifted and talented education courses that I had abandoned in elementary school after throwing a temper tantrum and yelling at my teacher, “I hate you, ya stupe!”

15. Totaled your car in an accident?

Yes, when I was 18 I drunkenly crashed my new car into the side of a mountain. How So Cal can one get? This of course completely and dramatically altered the course of my life.

16. Pole danced?

No.

17. Smoked?

Frequently.

18. Been fired from a job?

Outright fired? No. Mutually deciding it was best if I moved along? Yes, twice. I worked in the paint department at Montgomery Ward in high school and though I’d already quit, I was asked to leave early after cash went missing from my drawer. Turns out a co-worker of mine used my code to raid the register. Second time was in Seattle, where after months of developing contempt for one another, my asshole boss and I decided we didn’t want to work together anymore. For months prior I had imagined a scenario where I would quit, get unemployment, and a reference, and that’s exactly how it unfolded. Working for her caused me a lot of psychic trauma from which it’s taken me a very long time to recover. I won’t bore you with the details.

19. Sang karaoke?

Sure.

20. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?

All the time. I maintain impossibly high standards for myself which allows some of my friends to a.) laugh at me; and b.) maintain no standards for themselves, because, hey, if I can't refrain from eating that entire baked alaska, why should they...?

21. Laughed until a drink came out your nose?

Absolutely.

22. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?

Sure.

23. Kissed in the rain?

I’ve done a lot more than that in the rain…

24. Sang in the shower?

All the time.

25. Given your private parts a nickname?

I once decided to name my Johnson, Rabbi Spielman, but I was hung over and it didn’t stick…

26. Ever gone out without underwear?

No.

27. Sat on a roof top?

Yes. Rooftop sitting roolz!

28. Played chicken?

With a car? No. Who am I? Danny Zuko?

29. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

Yup.

30. Broken a bone?

Yup. Broken my left arm twice, toes, fingers, ribs, etc.

31. Mooned/flashed someone?

No.

32. Shaved your head?

Yep.

33. Slept naked?

I have, but very rarely. I prefer pajamas.

34. Played a prank on someone?

All the time.

35. Had a gym membership?

Of course.

36. Cried over someone you were in love with?

Hrmmm….No, actually, never have.

37. Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol?

You’re kidding, right?

38. Had sex today?

Not yet.

39. Played strip poker?

Nah.

40. Donated Blood?

In high school. I’m triple banned from donating blood now – 1.) Homo; 2.) Had Hepatitis A in my late teens; 3.) Lived in the UK during Mad Cow.

41. Video taped yourself having sex?

See stupid question #1.

42. Eaten alligator meat?

No. Eaten rattlesnake though.

43. Ever jump out of an airplane?

Not yet.

44. Have you been to more than 10 countries?

Yes. Also been to four continents.

45. Ever wanted to have sex with a platonic friend?

Sure. To me, love and sex are two separate things entirely. Therefore, I'm a slut.

46. Have you ever shaved yourself bare?

You mean down there? No. Trimmed a bit though.

47. Have you ever dressed in drag?

In high school I went as a pregnant nun for Halloween, does that count?

48. If you could be one celebrity for a week, who would it be?

Joey Heatherton, so I could savor my many addictions and long stream of abusive, ex-husbands. Good times…