The Angry Young Man

Sorry, humans. I haven't felt much like writing lately. Anyway, for the sake of keeping my main page from being a blank white nothing, I offer you this generic meme. Enjoy!

First

• First job:

Working the paint department at Montgomery Ward. I used to make up paint colors for fun, give them retarded names, and then place them on the discount shelf. Great fun. I take pride in my contribution to the demise of one of the stupidest department stores of all time. The store I worked in once had a second floor but by the time I got there, it was all closed up. I used to sneak up there and lurk in the dark amidst the abandoned, cobweb bestrewn displays and mannequins. It was cool. No, I was not a goth. Duh.


• First screen name:

Astroboy. Just Astroboy, no numbers following designating me as Astroboy 3023 or anything like that. Why Astroboy? I dunno. I liked the anime and related to the character, I guess.
• First funeral:

Grandmama in 1995. The Mormons showed up with dozens of aluminum trays full of boxed potatoes au gratin and about 8 canned hams. We’re not LDS, though I do have an uncle who converted when he was 18. I guess he called them in. After they showed up, it occurred to me that my uncle had probably had us all baptized by proxy and that really, REALLY pissed me off…
• First pet:

Salzer, my St. Bernard. I used to try to ride him like a horse.

• First piercing:

My left ear the summer before 8th grade. I did it myself with an ice cube, a potato, and a needle. I did two more before my mother totally freaked out and ordered me to stop. I was punk rock youth, rebelling in the streets. I eventually had five piercings, which I wore pretty regularly until my 30th birthday. Then, I took them out and never wore them again.

• First tattoo:

Um, yeah, no. Sorry, have no desire to be a post-hipster raisin with a big, black blob on my shoulder. No tattoos for this dude.

• First credit card:

Ah yes, a Mervyn’s card. I never used it. Not even for plaid flannels.

• First kiss:

My cousin Deirdre. I was like four years old.

• First enemy:

My mother, obviously. I mean, I was allergic to her breast milk. What else could we ever be but bitter enemies? Besides, she’s just one more asshole in front of me in the line of succession. She is evil, she must be destroyed.

• Last car ride:

Sister Woman and Brother Boy giving me a ride to West Oakland station after Thanksgiving.

• Last kiss:

I don’t know. Some guy. I don’t usually get their names, love.

No, seriously, this cute guy, Jason, from Vallejo I met at some bar for the gays in the Castro the weekend before Halloween. Huntington can’t believe I blew him off. Sorry, not in the mood right now for boyfriends. Too bad, he was terribly cute and obviously really into me. Ah, well…

• Last movie watched:

The Darjeeling Limited. It was good. I liked it. I want to go to India and find a cute Indian boyfriend. Right now.

• Last beverage drank:

Water.

• Last food consumed:

Capellini with tomatoes, chicken, and fat free cottage cheese. Yum.

• Last phone call:

Van der Fah Fah, ordering him to loan me ten American dollars as I’m broke until Friday.

• Last time showered:

This morning.

• Last CD played:

I know this because I made a database of my music last weekend. This Island by Le Tigre. I don’t know why, it’s a crap album. JD Samson reminds me of Jason of Five o’Clock Bot fame. Jason, you look like a lesbeing with a peach fuzz mustache.

• Last website visited:

Mine, obviously. Duh.

• Single or taken:

Blissfully single. Don’t oppress me with your relationships, you “We People”!

• Gender:

Manly Male

• Birthday:

March, AD.

• Sign:

Pisces. That’s an obvious one, idnt’it?

• Siblings:

Three, two sisters and a brother.

• Hair color:

Chestnut brown with heroically silvering temples.

• Eye color:

Darkest, deepest brown

• Shoe size:

11. These are “now” questions? I don’t get it.

• Height:

6 feet of manly manliness.

• Wearing:

Tan Gap khakis and a green plaid shirt from Eddie Bauer. No, damn it all, I do NOT dress like a lesbeing! This is what I wear to work. Shut up, you!

• Drinking:

Water

• Thinking about:

Going out and smoking many delicious cigarettes

• Listening to:

Nothing. Let me pick something….

“Amsterdam” by Peter Bjorn and John. They’re my newest favorite Swedish pop band. I love Swedish pop music. Swedish pop is too cool for school.