The Angry Young Man

Stolen yet again from CV Rick...

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

First name, no. My mother saw that hideous "Jesus Christ Superstar" movie, baked her own bread, it was the early 70's, etc. I am not a fan of my first name. First middle name, after an uncle who died when my grandparent's house burned down in the early 1960's, incident simply referred to by the family as "the Fire." Second middle name from my family's ancestral earldom in England.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

I answered this question in the last meme I filled out. Whenever. A more interesting question would be "why is this an issue?"

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

I dunno. I block print. I don't think I've unleashed the cursive on an unsuspecting nation since at least high school, possibly earlier.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Gross. People who have favorite lunch meats have too much time on their hands...

5. HAVE YOU ANY CHILDREN?

No, and I don't want any. World's headed to hell in a handbasket and you want me to be pooping out kids so they can choke to death on our waste. Forget it.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

I generally ignore all my friends, so a better question would be "Were I another person, would I ever call the other me back?" Prolly not.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

Yes. I'm not being sarcastic about my use of sarcasm because I'm post-ironic.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

No. No tonsils, no uvula, and only half my soft palate. Had them all removed a dozen years ago due to health problem. Health problem corrected, plus added benefit - no gag reflex. Bom chicka bom bom...

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

If presented with the opportunity to bungee jump, I would bungee jump.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

Cap'n Crunch. I may have a bowl of it once every two or three years.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

Depends on the shoe. Most shoes I wear regularly are slip on.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

Not as strong as I'd like to be, I suppose. I have 16" biceps. Breetard says I have guns. I don't know how much I can bench right now. I've been away from the gym for like 5 months.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?

As of late, Ben and Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Boys: Nose, then bum, then shoes. I like noses. I'm strange. Girls: Hair, particularly if apostrophe shaped. Then shoes.

15. RED OR PINK?

Uh, neither? Such angry colors!

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

Oh, I dunno. The genetic betrayal that is my legacy? Seriously, It would be great to have a metabolism. I can starve myself and do 20 hours of cardio a day and my stupid body refuses to drop below 230 lbs. What gives? HAH?!

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE YOU KNOW TO DO THIS MEME?

I don't give a shit, mang!

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

Navy blue sweatpants, green haviana flip flops. I'm going to hop in the shower after I complete this.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

Left over pizza from last night's all night work session. I hate my job right now. I want to quit and join the French Foreign Legion.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

"Polyester Bride" by Liz Phair, just purchased off iTunes after having heard on 89.3 The Current, Minnesota Public Radio's indie music station and currently the best damned radio station in the country.

The Twin Cities has always had great radio. Remember Rev 105? How about KLBB 1220 AM. Whatever happened to Joyce Lamont? Van der Fah Fah snorts in derision at this claim. Whatever. All you mother fuckers want to dismiss Minneapolis, go for it. Those of us who know better will just sit back and watch you act like assholes in your never ending nervous pursuit of chic, fucking lemmings. Now I'm listening to "That's That" by Cass McCombs. This song has grown on me like a lichen.

22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

Cornflower.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?

Vanilla, lavender, sandalwood. I want a boyfriend who smells like warm milk and allspice.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE?

My boss. I'm seriously late with a project I'm working on. I'm totally going to get sacked. If I get sacked, I'm going to join the French Foreign Legion.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO MADE YOU DO THIS STUPID MEME?

No one made me do it. I stole it from CV Rick. I respect CV Rick a great deal, though for a straight guy he complains way too much.

26. WHICH SPORT DO YOU ENJOY WATCHING MOST?

Rugby, followed by ice hockey.

27. HAIR COLOR?

Chestnut brown, rapidly turning silver.

28. EYE COLOR?

Deep dark brown.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACT LENSES?

No. I have perfect vision.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?

Egg McMuffin, even though I don't eat at McDonalds. The Egg McMuffin is the perfect food.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Neither.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

The 1925 silent movie version of The Wizard of Oz. It was bizarre. Dorothy was a bitch on wheels who turns out to be the lost princess of OZ and the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Cowardly Lion are fugitives from the law. The Tin Man turns on the other two when he's caught and becomes like head of secret police. The Lion is a classic watermelon eating, pickaninny character played by an actor with the moniker G. Howe Black (get it?). Depending upon how big a lesbian you are, this portrayal alternates between being utterly fascinating and completely offensive. Anyway, after Dorothy assumes the throne of Oz, the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow escape from Oz in a bi-plane, from which the the Scarecrow plunges to his untimely death. The end. A very strange and off putting adaptation of the classic American fairy tale, I must say.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

White t-shirt. Van der Fah Fah says I'm a puritan because I always wear a white T-shirt. Huh?

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?

Winter. I like cold.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?

I have to choose? It's like Sophie's Choice without the choice! Both! Duh.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?

Strawberry Shortcake

39. WHAT BOOK(S) ARE YOU READING NOW?

The Use of Pleasure: the History of Sexuality, Volume II by Michel Foucault. I know, I know. I never got around to reading it and I saw it the other night at that gay bookstore in the Castro so I bought it. I get funny looks from people on the Muni when i haul it out on the commute.

40. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

What is this mouse pad thing of which you speak?

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?

I worked until like one in the AM, so no TV. I watched a bit of an old Mad Men episode on my iPod on the way home though.

42. FAVORITE SOUND?

Crickets on a summer night. Laughter from a distance, tinkling like ice in a glass. Waves crashing on a beach. The swanky rasp of a saxophone, the clear twang of the banjo. Speaking of saxophone, I've decided to buy a neon sign so I can hang it outside my bedroom window when I feel like sitting there in nothing but a wife beater playing saxophone. That's like my favorite urban moment cliche after the disembodied Brooklynese shouts of "shaddup!" yelled at people arguing on the street late at night. If I didn't live on the ground floor, I'd employ that one more frequently.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?

Oh my GOD! What am I? Some kind of Boomer? Take your Rolling Stones and Beatles and shove them both up your ass! Especially the Rolling Stones. Fucking grinning skull music fossils need to be shipped off to the nearest raisin ranch already. At least half the Beatles had the taste and decency to get killed/die off.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

Walking alongside some unfamiliar railroad tracks on Long Island late at night, no idea whether I was headed in the right direction or if I even had a direction. That's the farthest I've ever felt from home.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

I can tie cherry stems into knots with my tongue.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Ojai, California.

What? That's it?